Ever Feel Like You Don’t Belong?

What to do when you don't belong


We all crave this feeling of belonging, being part of a group of people who love and accept us.

It’s primal.

We know that we have a higher chance of survival if we’re part of a group that will take care of us if we need it.

Ever feel like you don’t belong?

We’ve all felt like an outsider at one point…

What happens when you pick up social conditioning in your early years that tells you that you don’t belong?

We’ve all felt it one time or another. You see other people laughing together, hugging, or having a great time and you wonder why you’re not in on it all?

Social media makes this sense of missing out even stronger, and you start to wonder what’s wrong with you and why you’re not part of this group or that group?

You decide what identity you want to take on

You take on the identity of an outsider, and before you know it you’re the one who is cutting yourself off from belonging to groups or friendships you’d like to be a part of.

It’s not your fault that you’ve taken on these automatic patterns, society and pop culture thrive on creating separation. They tap into our basics human fears, and get us all riled up at the oppressors and mean girls when the ability to belong has always been in your own hands.

So how can you start to reclaim your belonging?

Reclaim Your Belonging

It starts with extending belonging out to others in your life and seeing what happens when you invite others into your own circles.

It can be life changing to see how a simple smile or sweet message can change someone else’s life or business.

But you also need to step up and ignore your “outsider conditioning” to join in the groups that you really want to be a part of.

Chances are the people who are in those groups will welcome you with open arms, if you approach them with a sense of confidence and love.

I’m not perfect and I don’t have this all figured out, because I sometimes still fall into the “I don’t belong” story that I learned in high school and through pop culture.

If you feel like you don’t belong in certain areas of your life, you need to practice feeling what it’s like to belong.

Creating Space for Belonging

One big mission in my life and business is to create the space for this belonging and community to take root.

I’ve seen the power of women supporting each other at my live Off The Charts events and in my private work. It’s amazing what deep shifts this kind of unconditional support can make in someone’s life.

You deserve to have this level of love, support, and friendship in your life too. And I understand that not everyone can make it to a live event, especially if you live on the other side of the planet.

That’s why I’m taking a stand and creating a safe, welcoming place for small business owners to support each other virtually.

Introducing the Heartquarters Insider


Many times we join online communities that grow to an unmanageable size, and we can’t form the bonds that are so powerful when there are hundreds or thousands of people in a tribe.

That’s why I’m creating small pods of 100 entrepreneurs who will get to know each other over the course of a year, and truly experience that sense of belonging that is so necessary to us as human beings.

I’m calling this experience the Heartquarters Insider because each of us deserves to feel like an insider, and to be supported in a safe heart quarter that’s designed to help your business flow.

Choose to belong.

But right now, I’d love to have you share in the comments below one way you’ve overcome the feeling of not belonging.

Was it approaching a group at a networking event and introducing yourself? Was it pulling someone who was standing on the sidelines onto the dance floor?

Let us know!

Want more? Join me and your fellow go-getting entrepreneurs in the Heartquarters Insider community, where we dive deeper into the skills and money-making strategies that will help you grow your business.


  1. Nathallie on September 3, 2014 at 11:15 am


    Totally love it.

    There is so much learning in groups. Once my business starts to grow, that’s where I am going. Circles are where the learning & growing happens.

    I always felt like the outsider. Seriously — it’s the story of my life. Loneliness should have been my middle name. I still feel both at times, but at least now I reach out. Yep – you guessed it, I reach out to people from those wonderful circles I’ve been part of it.

    My No 1 trick
    1 – Share your feeling so that it can pass.

    I don’t share the big story.

    “Hey, I’m feeling disconnected. I’m letting you know so that I can get past it. ” I do it when I’m sitting with one or two people. It usually lets the feeling pass, so that I can feel like I am part of things. If I don’t, it just festers and I usually leave feeling miserable & disconnected.

    I’m actually trying to see if I can put a circle of intuitive business women together.

    Love that you are putting this together,


    • Nathalie Lussier on September 3, 2014 at 12:12 pm

      Hey Nathalie! Thanks so much for sharing your tip – it sounds like it’s something you’ve been aware of and actively working to improve. I’d love to see you in our Heartquarters, it’s one of those chicken or the egg things – do you get the support first or does the support help you get more support? It’s a tricky thing. :)

      • Nathalie on September 3, 2014 at 1:51 pm


        I’m thinking about it. I would love to go off the charts events. Is there just one pod, or will you form the pods?


        • Nathalie Lussier on September 3, 2014 at 8:55 pm

          We’re starting with just one! :)

  2. Cathy on September 3, 2014 at 1:11 pm

    I don’t know what I’d do without my communities: friends, colleagues, online groups for both business and spirituality,… They keep me grounded, motivated and inspired as much through their support of me as through my support & celebration of their struggles and wins. How great that you’re creating this group.

    Because I’m so familiar with the benefits of being on the inside, this helped me last year at a conference. I was one of the only “outsiders” at a weekend in a strange city, for people who’d studied together for 6 months. After a day of sitting alone and feeling like a lost puppy, I overheard some plans being made about a group dinner, so I mustered my courage and invited myself along. That small step (and a shared meal) made the rest of my time there so much more enriching.

  3. Susie Garden on September 3, 2014 at 7:30 pm

    Hi Natalie

    This spoke to my heart. I feel like this all the time, and deep down, I know I help create that distance. You’re so right when you say that social media amplifies this. Your idea of the Headquarters Insider community is awesome! I can’t wait to join.

    Thanks so much for this opportunity.


    • Nathalie Lussier on September 3, 2014 at 8:55 pm

      Awesome Susie! I’m so glad to hear this spoke to you – and I created this video because I’ve felt this way so many times myself. :) Can’t wait to welcome you into the Heartquarters community! :)

  4. Liz Brazier on September 4, 2014 at 11:23 am

    Nathalie, This is so key. And I love the virtual Heartquarters Insiders. Being around like minded people has been truly the key to my success (and keeping me sane and happy!). Love it!

    • Nathalie Lussier on September 4, 2014 at 12:55 pm

      Absolutely Liz! So happy you’ve had this support in your life and business – it’s amazing what can happen with that kind of “wind beneath your wings”! :)

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