Writing is painful.
Folding laundry is painful (or at least no fun).
Running a business is stressful. No matter how awesome the people who work with you are, there are stressful moments.
We often believe that if it’s meant to be, it will be easy.
Maybe success will come easy, and that would be a sign that we’re on the right path…
So if success isn’t forthcoming, we doubt our decisions and end up quitting… often right before our efforts pay off.
Let’s look at some examples.
Don’t let how easy it is define how good it will be
You want to write. Maybe it’s essays, a non-fiction book, or even marketing copy for your business.
Or, maybe you’re like me and you’ve always wanted to write a novel and have made a few attempts in the past.
So you have your goals and ideas in mind and you sit down to write, but it’s uncomfortable.
The words that come out feel stifled.
Not the way they seem to flow in your mind, but more like pushing on a tube of dried-up toothpaste to try to get your words out.
Since it’s not flowing, you switch tasks. Maybe you check social media (hello, old friend!) or move on to another task on your to-do list.
Your mind wants to avoid the pain of writing, by switching to another focus.
We all do this exact thing when it gets hard.
Need to have a tough conversation with someone? We avoid it.
Want to start a new fitness initiative? Maybe tomorrow.
Doing the thing that makes us uncomfortable is never easy… to start.
There is a state of flow and a benefit to regular practice that can overcome our inner resistance.
But it doesn’t completely take away the pain of doing something hard.
And make no mistake, running a successful business is hard, writing a novel is hard, and running a marathon is hard.
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If it were easy, then everyone would be doing it.
But just because it’s not easy, doesn’t mean it’s not worth pursuing.
Pursuing something difficult can give it more meaning. It can give you something to improve and master, which is something that we all yearn for as humans.
We just need to readjust our expectations and understand that our mind or body will be trying to recoil from the actions we want to take.
And that state of flow and improved muscles I talked about?
Those usually only show up once we’ve overcome the initial barrier and started doing the thing.
Even if we don’t do it particularly well in the beginning.
No one is good when they are just getting started.
That’s what I learned by running what I call my “training business”. This is the first business I started after I turned down a job offer on Wall Street after I graduated from college.
It wasn’t the best business in the world, I made a lot of mistakes, but it also taught me so much.
About myself, about marketing, and how to run a business. Not to mention it’s where I created my first online courses and led me into the digital course space.
Was it an easy business? Not for a beginner.
It was a little simpler than my business is today, but I’ve worked up to running a bigger company like AccessAlly and managing software development, marketing, sales, and support.
Let it be easy: don’t make it harder than it needs to be
Back in the day, I used to post cute memes on social media that said “Let it be easy.”
That kind of thinking isn’t all bad, because we don’t need to add more complexity and difficulty to our efforts.
There’s a contagious subconscious thought that if we work harder and sacrifice more for our goals, then we deserve the success or outcomes more.
That’s not true. Whether you put in a little effort to get results or put in a lot of effort to get results, there’s no moral high ground for pushing yourself harder.
I do think there are ways to make things easier for ourselves in business and creative projects.
Like choosing the business model that more naturally suits you and your strengths.
That might not be the ones you hear about all the time. Maybe selling courses is not your jam. Maybe services are still where you get the most energy and return on your time.
Hiring the right people. This one is huge and can save a lot of heartbreak down the line.
Surrounding yourself with those who lift you up and see the vision you’ve set out for yourself. And who will tell you to take a break, rest up, and go easy on yourself when things don’t work out as you expected.
Being discerning with what you need to do, and what is not important.
Saying no to cool-sounding opportunities has saved my bacon more times than I can count. Sometimes taking on more than you planned for can derail you faster, and make everything harder.
Choosing the right software for your course or membership… even if it can be more work to set up right from the get-go. It might end up saving you money and retaining members better.
Another thing that makes everything easier: listening to your gut.
Sometimes we override our instincts or gut feelings with logic and end up regretting it.
It’s important to distinguish between your gut telling you something is a bad idea, and your body telling you it’s painful to do the new habit or keep going on your business or project.
How do you tell the difference?
If you’re excited about the project or goal, but avoid it… then that’s your body trying to protect you from doing hard things. Or failing at new things.
But if you feel dread at the thought of this project, and you wake up worrying about a certain aspect of it… that’s usually your gut telling you something is off.
I get messages from my subconscious when I can’t sleep at night or when I wake up early with a strong thought.
Sometimes that thought is more of a worry, other times it’s something I will ruminate about a lot…
It’s like my body knows, and it’s trying to send me signals when I’m more open to them – right before sleep or after sleep.
Overcoming the hard to get to the flow
I mentioned that it’s possible to get over the hump of hard and into a state of flow and habit.
This doesn’t take the pain away completely, but it does add pleasure.
The term “flow” was coined by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, to describe a state of highly focused attention where time flies and you’re using your skills to their fullest.
It’s often referenced by authors like Cal Newport who talks about Deep Work (for a great primer check out
Roxine Kee ‘s curated links here), and needing enough time to attain that state of flow.
The idea is that once you’re fully immersed in the thing you want to do – you reach a state where everything is firing on all cylinders and it’s more fun and rewarding, and maybe even easier.
I’ve certainly experienced this myself.
During my early years of doing web design, while creating and editing videos, and especially while writing.
The ingredients to success in attaining flow?
- Practice
- Enough time focused on the same task
- A conducive environment
All of these things will also lead to another thing that makes things easier: improved skills.
If you feel like you suck at having conversations, designing, writing, managing finances, etc… then you won’t want to do it.
But if you start practicing often enough, you might realize that it’s not as bad as you thought.
You might even develop deep skills and expertise.
This makes the pain of engaging with your project and goals more bearable.
The pain doesn’t go away completely, because you’re more likely to push yourself and go after bigger or more difficult goals.
But it makes it easier to re-engage with your work and to overcome that “this is hard” feeling.
The 3 places where we lose momentum
At the start:
We can’t gain momentum if we haven’t started.
If starting is hard for you, think about what’s stopping you.
Chances are there’s some kind of “pre-work” you need to do to clear the way for you to be ready to start.
Then only focus on the smallest first step, and the next one should be easier.
In the middle:
Momentum can come from a strong start, but if you have a hard time keeping things going… you might lose that momentum.
When I feel my energy or enthusiasm flagging, it helps to remember who I’m trying to help or serve with my art, work, or offering.
This takes me out of my head and stops my perfectionism from killing my momentum.
At the finish line:
If starting is hard for some, finishing is hard for others.
How do you know when you’re done? What if it’s not good enough?
Newsflash: there’s no such thing as perfect, and things are done when they are good enough to help the people you thought about in part 2.
You might have high standards, and that’s awesome. But at the same time, not everything needs to be an A+ effort.
Some projects can be done with B- energy and still get the results you’re after.
Final thoughts
Not everything needs to be easy. It’s worth doing anyway.
Where are you experiencing this ease paradox in your life or business right now?
